I know what this feels like. I’ve been possessed in this way. Collect the symbols. Show yourself and others that you’re worthy, that you know how to play the game. We know where it leads. There’s always something else that you don’t have or haven’t experienced. There’s always someone “ahead” of you. This isn’t limited to material possessions. This could be someone’s approval. It could be sunshine on the weekend when the forecast calls for rain. When you don’t get what you want you’re depressed. When you do get the object of your desire you eventually realize you don’t want it anymore. I’ve heard this described as melancholy.
I’m less possessed in this way today. Instead, my possessions seem to possess me in a different way that may be even more pathetic. I feel guilty for having what I have. The family. The friends. The health. The safety. The life. I feel like I don’t deserve it. No matter how hard I’ve worked I couldn’t have earned this. There are so many experiencing hardship. It just doesn’t seem fair. And this bothers me. A lot. It has become a hardship which I didn’t expect. So I make giving a priority. Meredith and I model it for our children. But no amount of generosity can alleviate it completely. No matter how much I may accumulate and release in my life, you just can’t even the score. Which is why I have to let go of my desire to understand why some suffer so greatly while others seem to be so insulated. It doesn’t matter. What matters is what we do now. Which reminds me, there are many ways to suffer and you never know what someone is dealing with. Even when everything looks peachy. So keep a kind word on your tongue, friends. It’s a type of generosity we all possess.