Saturday was a beautiful day for a cookout. I was lucky enough to be invited to one. A few of us retreated indoors hoping our football team would give us something to get excited about. In minutes a racist remark crushed the room like a trash compactor. I escaped at the commercial break.
Later my fiancee listened patiently as my frustrations reverberated throughout the car. It’s a strange kind of fun to get fired up sometimes. But I couldn’t stay mad.
We see this a lot. When bosses overstep their boundaries. When people lie about their accomplishments. When pitchmen try to coerce recent college graduates into pyramid schemes in coffee shops.
Damnit.
I’m sick of people bringing others down with them.
I’m sick of people saying one thing and doing another.
I’m SO sick of people taking the easy way out because no one’s gonna call them on it.
I’m sick of being infected by someone else’s venom.
Racism is about resenting people who are different than you. And believing that their success might take away from yours. And that’s a scary thought. But you’d have to be pretty insecure to believe it.
That’s why my anger turned into pity. Because carrying that kind of insecurity can’t possibly hurt others as much as it hurts himself.
I’m sick of being scared that perhaps I’m not any different.
EVERY thing I’ve ever been embarrassed of doing can be traced back to insecurity. I was scared I wouldn’t fit in or I wasn’t good enough or whatever else I tell myself sometimes. It causes me to do things I regret.
We all do things we later regret. But it took me a while to realize we’re all scared. Everybody. All the time. Even while slurping beer with all our friends on a gorgeous Saturday. Overcompensating. Putting up walls. Faking it. But still terrified like the first day of Kindergarten.
Understanding this is incredibly powerful. It equips you with the power to rid others of their irrational fears. And the ability to recognize where their jerky nature on the surface really comes from. Maybe you can help them respect themselves more. Maybe you can be the person they desperately need. Maybe you can be the person we all desperately need.
Trying to drag others down is easier than trying to build ourselves up. But it never works. You’re not going to get skinnier after I have too much cheesecake this December.
Success and happiness are almost the same thing. It’s paid out in the form of other people choosing to be influenced by you. In a positive manner. That affirms our good nature. And – just maybe – dispels some of our fears. Because you cared about us enough not to act on yours.
This can be a difficult topic. But that’s exactly why the people you care about need to hear it.
Maybe you can be the one that tells them.
