Narcissus was a hunter. A beautiful hunter at that. He probably wouldn’t have worn camouflage overalls or blaze orange on account of it clashing with his eyes. After being lured to a reflecting pool by Nemesis, he falls in love with his own image. Then the poor guy drowns. What a way to go. All he left behind was his namesake, narcissism, an infatuation with oneself.
You and I aren’t narcissists, right?
That’s probably true. On my worst day I’m something closer to selfish at its edges. Still, a mirror is hard to hold for a reason and when it comes to holding one you and I shouldn’t quit our day jobs. Self-diagnosis works for a headache but not much more. We’re always the last person to know we walked out of the restroom with toilet paper on our soul.
I’m inclined to believe certain things about myself. That I’m generous. That I’m empathetic. That I’m willing to share my heartache not just my triumph and to do that without polishing it for public consumption. There’s a lot more on this list. Believing these things about myself reinforces who I want to believe I am. It’s a language to help you hold certain beliefs about me. It’s ego-convenient. You do this too. But sometimes our actions don’t measure up to our beliefs. Nothing new here.
What I’m learning is that my actions might align even less with my beliefs about my actions than I previously thought. Prancing around like my personal planets are aligned when they aren’t is like falling in love with myself only to learn I don’t know how to swim. Not a good strategy when I allow myself to be hypnotized by reflecting pools.
This could be a threat. Or it could be a reprieve.
Perhaps it’s a question of authenticity? There’s a buzzword. People talk about being authentic but do they know what that means? It often ends up looking like something spit out by a copier whose toner needs changing. I think these people, who I have often been one of, are trying to say they want to be real. We don’t want to settle for a derivative, a shallow substitution. But we do.
All of us.
The true measure of authenticity is whether the expression is in line with your beliefs. Narcissus’ actions lined up with his beliefs. Nobody said you had to agree with them.This is where I think we get messed up, in the alignment. I know it’s where I get messed up.
How genuine are my expressions? Am I even looking to find out?
That’s the spot, right there, isn’t it? Now we’re getting somewhere. Am I willing to look to see if my expressions are authentic? Is it something that I want to learn? If I find the courage to hold the mirror up, or someone holds it for me (which is often not taken well), what will I see when I look? Am I willing to settle for believing my expressions of my beliefs are more beautiful than they actually are? Is it good enough to keep on believing even if those beliefs never really mature? If I decide it isn’t, am I willing to do what it takes?
That’s a lot of questions.
We could ask our buddy Narcissus but I doubt we’d hear back.
(Thanks to Paul Greiner for the inspiration)
Photo credit : Wiki
