I’m quick to point out the vehicular shortcomings of other drivers. It’s a gift of sorts. If your driving doesn’t meet my stringent standards for safety and style then I’m likely to let it be known. This declaration occurs whether there are passengers with me to hear it or not. It’s a play-by-play format that goes something like this:
“Oh, you’re going to use your turn signal after you’ve already begun entering my lane in front of me? Thanks for the heads up.”
“See those yellow lines that all the other cars are parked in between evenly without touching? Yeah…”
“No, drive down the median a quarter of a mile at 50 mph so you can get to the turning lane and that red light before all of us in the actual lane who aren’t doing that because we don’t want to cause an accident when someone legally enters the turning lane.”
It’s no large effort for me to react like this routinely. It’s become a reflex that I’ve embraced and considered just. That was until the other day when one of life’s more telling puzzle pieces fell into place. Here’s what happened.
I don’t recall the precise event that triggered the epiphany. All that stuck was the realization that sometimes I don’t do the right thing. I pondered how I feel in those moments after I realize that I didn’t do the right thing. Am I being malicious? Am I searching for your button to launch you into DEFCON 5?
Not usually.
I’m not trying to make you mad. I’m not hurting you on purpose. I’m just going about my day, trying to make it work. I don’t give much thought about what I see as benign actions and how they are effecting others. It’s not even on my radar that perhaps there could be a wake left behind me. I’m being a normal self-interested being. (That’s easier to say than the truth which is that I’m selfish.)
Further pondering led me to an even deeper understanding that I think is the real truth to be had.
Drum roll please…
“They’re trying to figure it out. Just like you are.”
We don’t know what we’re really doing most of the time. We’re all trying to figure it out, though. The only way to figure it out is to do it. To live. To make choices and see what happens. Sometimes we get feedback on those choices through our own observation or from others. A lot of the time we don’t. We act and we move on and we don’t know what happened once we’re past that point and place. We don’t know what it’s like to be the other person watching us doing what we’re doing. We don’t have the luxury of an out-of-body experience.
So, I’ve decided that I’m going to be less critical of people. Not just when they’re driving. I don’t subscribe to resolutions at the end of the year but, if I did, this would be mine. I’m going to remind myself, when someone acts in a way that seems selfish or lacks consideration, that they’re just trying to figure it out, too. They don’t really mean it and if I knew more about them than the way they drove I’d know that they’re a lot like me.
