I used to care a lot about what people thought of me. I guess in a way I still do. It just matters less to me now.
This isn’t something that just occurred to me. It’s been brewing.
I remember the first time a client got negative feedback from someone about the advertising my firm created. This was before I knew negative feedback is a badge of honor. I was pretty bummed.
I remember the first negative review someone left on our first book, Listen to Your Laundry. This was after I knew negative feedback is a badge of honor. I felt bummed again, as if someone had seen through me and now the rest of you would too.
I thought I had failed, in some small way. I know now the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Sometimes knowing this doesn’t mean I don’t need to be reminded of it. The pull to be somebody’s victim is strong.
I remember way back when I had a boss who didn’t respect me. Or at best, underestimated me. I felt like I had to prove myself to this person, show them how awesome I was. Then they’d see. I spent years pursuing this. Not exclusively, but it was always there in the background. It didn’t work. I eventually moved on. A couple years later, at an event, this person who I hadn’t seen since came up to me and congratulated me on how well I seemed to be doing. Much later on I realized what had happened. The recognition and “respect” I thought I had needed before was just bestowed upon me. It didn’t feel like I thought it would.
Caring is a good thing. Caring about things that aren’t worth caring about is not.
Perhaps it’s age and experience but my perspective on what’s worth caring about is shifting. I see now that when you care you give a piece of yourself away, at least for that moment. That can be remarkable. It can also be a distraction and a self-imposed limitation.
Nothing brings this closer to me than my children. I watch them develop and I can see the seeds of caring germinate. Some melt my heart and others break it. I watch them care for each other. I watch them care about the opinions of people that simply shouldn’t matter. I see them gaining an awareness of the world they’re in. This is growing up. I just hope they come to know what’s worth caring about and redirect energy when something doesn’t pass muster.
Yes, I still care a lot. But that doesn’t mean I need to care about a lot of things.
So, spend less time thinking about what this person or that person might say or do if you say this or do that.
Do what you think is right.
Life won’t be perfect.
But you’ll get a lot more done. And it will be a lot more awesome.
