I have experienced what I believe to be consistent with a conservative definition of a “mid-life crisis.” If my math is correct I am not going to make the average lifespan of an American male. I find some consolation in the fact that the mid-life crisis can occur at any time, actually. Perhaps I’m an overachiever and finished my homework ahead of schedule. Maybe I’m just nuts. However, I’m allergic to nuts, cashews being an exception. Maybe I’m going to have more than one mid-life crisis and the second a little later than usual. Given what I know now, I’m hopeful this was my first and last. We shall see.
There are two things I’ve realized that I’m going to share with you here. First, you don’t realize it’s happening until you’re deep into it. Second, I believe it resulted, for me, from losing touch with something bigger than myself. It reminded me of an earlier time in my life when I felt more like an observer than a participant. What accompanied was a sense of frustration and lack of traction. This, ironically, is self-fulfilling and perpetuating. The frustration that led to lost traction precipitated more frustration which catalyzed more traction issues. This goes for a long enough spell and when you try to conjure the spark that created this blaze you can’t. This, too, is frustrating. Can you guess what that leads to?
I’ve heard it said that you become a new person every seven to ten years. I guess that’s how long it takes your body to replenish all of its cells. It’s based on the work of Swedish molecular biologist, Dr. Jonas Frisen. Not every scientist agrees with this. Surprise. I’ve also heard someone suggest that there’s a correlation between the regeneration of your cells and the regeneration of your personality and outlook. They reference the “seven-year itch” in marriage. Statistics show that on average divorces are prevalent around the seven-year mark. The theorist I know takes a step further and says that, statistically, divorces happen around seven-year milestones, plus or minus (14, 21, 28, etc.) I haven’t seen the statistics but it’s an interesting theory which seems to hold up anecdotally from some divorced people I’ve spoken to. Regardless, the thought is that we become new people in our outlook about every seven years and thus need to “renegotiate” our relationships. We’re all familiar with couples who stopped “growing together.” (For those who like to read in to this stuff, Meredith and I are doing great. Better than we’ve ever been, actually. Thanks for asking.)
Whatever the story and “science” behind it, every one of us is changing. Forget the rate at which it’s occurring. You and I aren’t the same person we used to be and we aren’t who we are yet to be…yet. Yet, we very much have a say in the matter if we choose to. For that to happen we are going to need to pay attention. For if we don’t then surely we will fall prey to that most veteran of adversaries, the mid-life crisis. For those of you who think you’re in the clear due to your age, I’d caution you to reconsider that position. That’s part of the deception. The mid-life crisis is not the property of mid-life.
About paying attention, I wasn’t. I wasn’t policing my intentions. I wasn’t requiring keen participation. Riding the wave became my thing. When the tide is coming in it’s alright. As long as you don’t turn your back to the ocean you’re fine.
About being committed to something bigger than myself, I was and wasn’t simultaneously. I had been. I wanted to be. I thought I was. I sort of wasn’t. That’s the thing about riding the wave. You ride it because it’s here and it’s easy to do. No real effort required. No need to scan the horizon, to check your plans and see if you’re still on course. You can forget that one day you had set out for somewhere. Especially when the voyage is long and the signs of dry land are sporadic and shy. It can take some time to be reminded of the decisions that brought you here in the first place.
There are things I’ll do now that I didn’t think to do before. I’ll pay closer attention. I’ll renegotiate my intentions more often. Even if its to learn there’s no need to change them. I’ll be open to change when my commitments require it. I’ll grab my paddle when I’m tempted to let the waves do the work.
I’m not much older but I believe I’m a bit sturdier for the episodes that lay stretched before me.
I’ve seen the white whale once now. It didn’t require a souvenir. For that I’m fortunate. I’m not going to chase it, either. That story has been penned too many times. Let’s hope my memory serves me well the next time we meet.
Photo credit : Wiki
