I’ve got Yellow Jackets on my screen porch. I can’t figure out how they’re getting in. I only see two at a time, tops. Mostly I find them on their own. They wasp around a while like drunk helicopters and then land on a screen. They take a smoke break and then bump into the screen 8 times. They fly up to the skylight and bump around up there for a bit. Then they wasp around some more and eventually land on another screen.
Then I slap them with my sandal. They fall to the ground, stunned. Then I slap them with my sandal some more. At this point they are no longer stunned.
I must defend the honor of my wife and children. You do understand, don’t you?
I thought they might be building a nest in the exposed pockets near the eaves, between the rafters. I looked but didn’t find anything. There’s a slight opening where the screen door meets the frame. It’s big enough for a Yellow Jacket to pass but I haven’t seen any outside trying to run the gauntlet. I’m only seeing them once inside. Usually you see a bunch if there’s a nest nearby. It’s all too peculiar. Meredith thinks they might be coming up through the spaces in the floor boards. She might be right. No way to get under there though. Well, there is, but I’m not doing it. I’ve got plenty of sandals.
What struck me today, after I struck the first of four invaders, was how futile their flight to freedom seems. They try so hard but never figure out how to escape. I’m not sure if they realize what they’ve gotten themselves into. Do you think they panic? Perhaps there’s some science on wasp intelligence. What’s more absurd is the gaping hole my open sliding glass door from the house to the porch creates. You think they’d try flying in that direction? Nope. They don’t even come close. They just keep ramrodding the screens and the sky light. I wait for them to tire out and then introduce them to a staple in summer footwear.
Maybe the threshold to my house is scary to the Yellow Jacket. From the screen porch it seems much darker, mysterious. Who knows what’s in there, right? Could be a crazy human with funny antennae on its lip brandishing a shoe. Sounds dangerous. So instead, it takes the route it knows. Too bad the screens and glass are in the way. If only they could see them for what they are. They’d know simply doing more isn’t the answer. They’d learn from their experiences and create a new way. Instead they just keep slamming into them again and again, desperately hoping this next offensive will be the one that sets them free.
Until they get slapped with a sandal.
How tragic.
What a relief you and I are smarter than a Yellow Jacket, eh?
