We often get responses to these here Sea Log emails.

A while back we started getting some not-so-anonymous replies under the alias Baxter Swenson.

I’m not making this up.

Baxter is smart and funny. But he’s also very opinionated. So the Ericks and I long debated whether or not we should share them with you guys.

Well, that debate is over. It took a weekend-long thumb wrestling tournament to reach a final decision.

Basically, we’ve grown to love Baxter (yes – we’re on a first name basis now). It would be both selfish and rude for us to keep him for ourselves and not share him with you.

So here is Baxter Swenson in all his spectacular likeness.

Please note, The Sea Log does not necessarily endorse the opinions espoused by Baxter Swenson.

In response to a Sea Log about getting rear-ended…

Bummer re the bender…the car of course.

My Jack Handy Deep Thought well is dry at the moment but in its place I’d like to suggest that you have the camber of the rear tire inspected.  I’m guessing you have too much negative camber.  Unless you are going for a sportier ride and then I suggest slight toe-in as well.

Sincerely,

Baxter Swenson

In response to a Sea Log about getting a mean note from a neighbor…

Dear Sea Logger,

I would like to point out that you missed a very clear issue in today’s entry.  Most people name call at the beginning of a letter.  For example, “Dear Moron”, “Kind Idiot”, or perhaps “My low-life good for nothing neighbor”.

I feel pity for your neighbor.  Clearly, your neighbor’s name is Stupid.  Why else would they put this at the end of the letter?  My guess is Mr. or Ms. Stupid lack self confidence (wouldn’t you with a name like this – insert A Boy Named Sue song here) as they also haphazardly write Show Off as a post script.

Said Stupid must feel unnoticed, over looked, more than likely never asked to prom.  That you are willing to live life in the open reinforces their lack of self confidence daily – or at least in the evening hours.  You could likely offer help for your neighbor or point them to a certified counselor.  Maybe even have a re-prom where you can make them the king or queen.  It wouldn’t be that hard.  Just ask all  your neighbors if their first or last name is Stupid or if they know which neighbor is then kindly respond accordingly.  Hopefully the first neighbors you ask are not the offending party and you can invite them to the re-prom too.

Much love and affection (and also wearing cut offs),

Baxter  

If there’s a Baxter Swenson resting dormant deep inside you, we’d love to meet him.